मेरे दिल के सपने
My eyes looked in every direction possible, absorbing every glimpse of the warm, vibrant hues of dancing sarees and the glimmer of chiming bangles. Orange jalebi decorated a silver platter nearby, and the gentle aroma of curry and herbal spices tingled my nose in a delightful manner. My fingers were slightly tainted yellow from having overindulged in tasty laddu and chole masala, and I listened intently to the faint echo of Lata Mangeshkar’s iconic vocals playing on a loudspeaker a few rows ahead of me. Yet, amidst the busy, gorgeous chaos that surrounded me, my thoughts transcended for a moment, and I too escaped along with them.
I can still recall the very instant I laid my eyes on my first Hindi film, along with the beautiful culture it brought along with it. Being an avid film enthusiast, I had always tried to diversify the genres of movies I was exposed to; as far as foreign films are concerned, I had seen a few Japanese and Spanish productions before as well. Even though these movies (including that of the U.S.) were exceptionally made, none of them have had such an overwhelming impact and influence on me than that of India’s glamourous Bollywood film industry.
As I sat in awe of the gorgeous film that played on the humble laptop screen before my eyes, I caught myself growing an intense fondness for the characters that took me with them on their unique journey. The indescribably pure escapism of it was something I had not yet witnessed in a movie before – the engrossing, yet simplistic plotline outdid itself and told a far more enduring story than that of any high-budget, special effects-driven production I’ve seen. A moment in the film, however, had my eyes well up with tears; but I was taken aback for an instant, confused but utterly astonished as to how such an overwhelming euphoria of emotions of sheer elation, joy, and adoration could all be experienced simultaneously. I then contemplated that this wasn’t just some petty Netflix outing that entertained me on a temporary whim.
No, this was far different.
This was special.
As I sat in awe of the gorgeous film that played on the humble laptop screen before my eyes, I caught myself growing an intense fondness for the characters that took me with them on their unique journey. The indescribably pure escapism of it was something I had not yet witnessed in a movie before – the engrossing, yet simplistic plotline outdid itself and told a far more enduring story than that of any high-budget, special effects-driven production I’ve seen. A moment in the film, however, had my eyes well up with tears; but I was taken aback for an instant, confused but utterly astonished as to how such an overwhelming euphoria of emotions of sheer elation, joy, and adoration could all be experienced simultaneously. I then contemplated that this wasn’t just some petty Netflix outing that entertained me on a temporary whim.
No, this was far different.
This was special.
Days soon transformed into weeks, and before I even realized it, months went by. Hindi films were gradually pilling themselves up on my recommended movie title lists, and my close friends began to take note of my obsession, sometimes rolling their eyes at me despite not having the slightest idea as to how very beautiful they truly were. I fell head-over-heels in love with Shah Rukh Khan and his unconventionally handsome looks, thoroughly convinced that I’d never find an adequate future soulmate because of him. The landscapes of Switzerland (a scenic paradise that just so happens to be Bollywood’s favorite filming location) flashed into my mind whenever anyone mentioned Europe, and I found myself incorporating Hindi words into my everyday thought process.
However, immersing myself in this colorful cinema industry wasn’t the only manner in which I enriched my fascination with Indian culture. As much as I’d like to think otherwise, there’s far more to India than that of mustard fields oozing with romantic mandolin themes and Kumar Sanu’s resonant melodies. I aspired to educate myself on the issues that plagued the South Asian diaspora, and by doing so, I came to realize so much more about the flaws of my own culture and the negative impact it has inevitably had on the Indian mindset worldwide.
With the exception of the internet, I live in an area that is rather secluded from the beautiful diversity of the outside world. I’ve found that a few of the individuals at my school remain under the presumption that films are primarily made in Hollywood, oblivious to the reality that movies flourish tremendously in other countries. Perhaps most importantly, these individuals are ignorant in the sense that they ridicule something for being different and unconventional one moment, yet consume aspects of the culture they previously ridiculed the very next. For instance, I recall an individual offensively mimicking East Asian accents yet deciding to make plans to go out for dinner at a Chinese restaurant a few days later.
However, immersing myself in this colorful cinema industry wasn’t the only manner in which I enriched my fascination with Indian culture. As much as I’d like to think otherwise, there’s far more to India than that of mustard fields oozing with romantic mandolin themes and Kumar Sanu’s resonant melodies. I aspired to educate myself on the issues that plagued the South Asian diaspora, and by doing so, I came to realize so much more about the flaws of my own culture and the negative impact it has inevitably had on the Indian mindset worldwide.
With the exception of the internet, I live in an area that is rather secluded from the beautiful diversity of the outside world. I’ve found that a few of the individuals at my school remain under the presumption that films are primarily made in Hollywood, oblivious to the reality that movies flourish tremendously in other countries. Perhaps most importantly, these individuals are ignorant in the sense that they ridicule something for being different and unconventional one moment, yet consume aspects of the culture they previously ridiculed the very next. For instance, I recall an individual offensively mimicking East Asian accents yet deciding to make plans to go out for dinner at a Chinese restaurant a few days later.
It wasn’t until I started reading about social issues concerning the South Asian community on social media platforms that I first began to recognize these subtle hints of prejudice I was (and still am) surrounded by in my daily life. How had I let myself become so accustomed to such ignorance? As I hurriedly scrolled through the written posts that popped up on my Instagram feed one solemn afternoon, my heart sank. A young Indian woman expressed her disgust at the matter at hand – photos of white women, including that of celebrity icons, appropriating culturally significant bindis, mehndi, and sarees. “I get laughed at for being different, for being Hindu. My people have been struggling to be loved, to love themselves. My ancestors spent years trying to perfect each tradition; mehndi designs holding blessings and prayers in hands but now they’re your ways of getting a non-permanent tattoo. We tried covering scars with skin lightening creams because of the hatred for our sun kissed skin. My sisters stopped wearing bindis when they were belittled to nothing but dots on foreheads but now they’re your fashion statement.” |
My head tilted in utter disbelief. But I’m not like that, I thought. I don’t mean any disrespect. I admire it more than anything. The words I had just read would repeat themselves again and again in my mind, their painful pleas continuing to haunt me. However, what seemed at first to be an issue of ownership of culture (and I mutually respect her claim, for that matter) actually ended up being more so an issue of disregard for culture. The main point this desi woman was making through her frustrated rants then stuck me – I too shared these same feelings of frustration, and I don’t even have the faintest hint of melanin in my skin. You see, for the longest time I had feared that my admiration for Indian culture would be misinterpreted as the offensive appropriation I so often heard about. Many of these ignorant individuals who donned the cultural garb as nothing more than a fashion statement payed no such heed. In other words, they merely disregard the integrity of a country's traditions and values just because their "stuff looks cool". I, for one, believe an individual should accept and admire all aspects of a culture instead of picking and choosing only certain parts. |
But it didn’t stop there. As I continued to follow the Indian woman’s insightful Instagram account, a skin-whitening brand called “Fair and Lovely” made itself prominent. This time, however, the guilt slowly swallowed me up with every word I had read. In the comment section of the post, some Indian women expressed their frustration towards modern society’s standard definition of beauty whereas others were genuinely convinced they’ll never be seen as desirable because of their darker skin tone. I peered down from my bright phone screen and looked at my dinky, mellow arms. I don’t understand why fair skin is so idolized. Ironically, I’ve always viewed melanin as more beautiful and have never felt that content with my own skin color. Even as a child, I idolized Disney’s Princess Jasmine and recall comparing her glowing, melanin-blessed skin tone with that of my pasty pale color. Why have countries with predominantly brown-skinned populations been brainwashed into thinking that only fair is lovely? All skin tones should be embraced and loved unconditionally – and this is something I myself need to remind myself of as well.
The applause of the crowd surrounding me lured me out of these reminiscent thoughts. I intently watched a young girl draped in a pink saree, hair wrapped into an elaborate braid that nearly trailed the ground behind her, elaborately dance to one of my favorite classics, “Mere Haathon Mein”. As my wandering, curious eyes prompted me to do so, I then found myself walking by vendors and their tables decorated in intricate gold and silver jewelry. A bubbly Indian woman smiled at me as I made my way to her designated table covered with bangles and little bindi packages.
“Aishwarya Rai is so beautiful,” I mentioned as I pointed to a photo of her on one of the elaborate packages. I watched as the woman’s head crooked to the side ever so slightly, almost as if she was surprised that I, the only white individual (besides my mother, of course) at the small celebratory event, was casually familiar with the Bollywood actress. Even the pronunciation of her name, for that manner. “She is,” the woman responded warmly, a smile radiating her face one again as she peered down to look at the picture once more. As the words rolled off of her tongue, her hands clasped the package, making welcoming eye contact with me once more. “Do you want to wear the bindi?” |
I felt myself freeze up for an instant. The bindi? My heart leapt in awe of the considerate offer I had just heard her ask. I was beaming, my smile extending into a boundless arc of bliss. Yet, flashes of all of the Instagram posts and their heartbreaking words swirled in my mind, bringing me back to reality. I then began to explain to the woman before me that I didn’t want to offend anyone by doing so. However, she reassured me, expressing how excited she was that I had taken such a liking to her culture; she was very adamant that I shouldn't be ashamed to embrace it. (That, and she also persuaded me to pick out my very first saree blouse!) The simple kindness and acceptance she showed me is something I will never forget.
– Even though I have grown up in an area with little diversity, I was always aware that there were other cultures that flourished tremendously in other countries. However, I never truly comprehended the vastness of culture and how it has spread itself across many areas. As I compare my current self to that of who I was nearly two years ago, I see a tremendous transformation of my self-worth and courage towards discovering new things. My desire to learn and educate others regarding Indian culture has enriched my life with new perspectives and ambitions that will stay with me for a lifetime. ♡
– Even though I have grown up in an area with little diversity, I was always aware that there were other cultures that flourished tremendously in other countries. However, I never truly comprehended the vastness of culture and how it has spread itself across many areas. As I compare my current self to that of who I was nearly two years ago, I see a tremendous transformation of my self-worth and courage towards discovering new things. My desire to learn and educate others regarding Indian culture has enriched my life with new perspectives and ambitions that will stay with me for a lifetime. ♡